You might be wondering about the title to this posting.  Let me tell you a bit about it.  Last year, celebrating Obama’s election win – for which I am still incredibly grateful – David and I travelled with my sister Fran and her husband Ed up to Yosemite.  It was a victory hiking moment in time for sure.  We spent a few wonderful days in the park and then we headed out the east gate and pretty quickly came upon a Mobil gas station.  We stopped for what Fran and Ed promised would be a remarkable meal.  In a gas station.  All I can say is if you’re ever in this neighbourhood, don’t miss going to the Whoa Nellie Deli; just head out of the park on the 120 and turn left on the 395 to Lee Vining, California.   Chef Matt “Tioga” Toomey, who grew up in Point Loma, is the driving force for what is not just a sit-down restaurant, but an outstanding one. He is so outgoing and eager to talk to the customers that he seems more a host than a chef, but the food bears the stamp of creative, health-conscious California cuisine. A “Trans-Fat Free Zone” is prominently displayed.  Ed had brought a bottle of wine along and when he asked if there was a corkage fee the response was: “Excuse sir, but this is a gas station!”  Remarkable.

So … why am I telling you about this?  Because I’ve read two things recently that made me sit up and say “Whoa Nellie” and that’s what I really want to think about today.

To start, I’ve been reading the book How to be HAPPY dammit: a cynic’s guide to spiritual happiness (Karen Salmansohn – 2001).  You might wonder why I’m reading this, given that I’m retired and not worrying (too much) about money these days.

How to be HAPPY is filled with what it calls Life’s Lessons.  For example, Lesson #4 is “You always have a choice of emotional responses to life”.  Happiness, they’re maintaining, is more about how you choose to respond to what happens than it is about what actually happens to you.  Lesson #14 really resonates for me as well:  “You must declare your own Independence Day, then your own Independence Year, then your own Independence life.  The purpose of your life is to find the purpose of your life.” Yes, I like that a lot.  And then there’s Lesson #22:  It doesn’t matter how fast you get there, if you’re heading in the wrong direction.  So … you must slow down and see where you are going!”

You’d think that having retired (almost a year ago) slowing down would have already been taken care of, but one of the things that I’m really struggling with right now is too much on my plate.  Again.  Did I choose to put it there?  For sure.  Nevertheless, this feeling of tightness in my chest and the ripples of anxiety that accompany me far too much of the time need to be addressed.  Of that I’m quite certain.  Yes, I know, this isn’t new for me.  I’ve always tended to overload my plate.  It’s different now though, I’m more conscious I think of what I’m choosing and what I’m leaving ‘behind’ and clearly – to me at least – I need to sit down and do another stock-taking soon because I just don’t have enough restful time … again.  I need to think through where I’ve taken myself in this past year and then think about where I would like to be a year from now.

I’ve been anxious a lot lately about giving my first Feminist Women Entering Retirement (FWER) workshop and reading this book helped me to come up with a paradigm that works for me.  What do you think about this?  I’m going to focus on six categories:  Finance, Logistics and Time Management, Relationships and Expectations,  Identity, Aging and Health, and All Kinds of Growth.  Each category will have its own workshop.  The process will be (and you’re welcome to try this on your own – although undoubtedly it will work best in a workshop with me; if you do try it I’d be really appreciative of some feedback) begin by closing your eyes (after you’ve read through the process), meditate for a few moments so that you’re calm and focused, and then bring to mind the fears that you connect with this category “in retirement”.  For example, let’s take Finance (an easy one because I’m guessing lots of us worry about this before we retire).  The immediate fear that comes to my mind is that I won’t have enough money.

Now comes the more interesting part.  First, a little more meditation and quiet contemplation.  Now dig a little deeper and see if you can find the fear in your belly that you’ve been carrying with you much of your life that is now articulating itself as “will I have enough money when I retire?” worrying.  I know that my lovely government pension provides me with a comfortable living, so it isn’t about that kind of “not enough money”.  For me (and this might be completely different for you) this connects to the fear that I won’t be able to live the kind of life that I want … to travel … to explore … to dream … and so on.  And that connects to the deeper, old fear that others – who mostly seem to judge someone’s value in relation to their assets – will see me as a failure.  That’s the root of this – for me; I’ll be seen as a failure.

Wait just a minute.  That’s silly.  I know that I’m a very resourceful woman and I can find ways to do the travelling and exploring and dreaming that I want to do on all sorts of different kinds of budgets.  Sure, I may have to think a little more carefully and plan a little better when I travel.  I will likely start looking for more 3.5 star hotels and avoid the 5-stars (although I have enjoyed staying in them too).  I may plan more driving holidays (we’ve already started down that highway … and it was great fun) and fewer international adventures (fewer, but not none … we’re already talking about what exotic, interesting place we should visit next year).  The real fear that I have is that others will judge me for this, will think less of me when I’m a 3.5-star girl. I shrivel at that “better than thou” look that you get if your purpose in life has been  was other than to accumulate great amounts of cash.   The thing is that I don’t believe it … it’s not how I value people or how I make choices in my own life.  I’m okay with that; indeed more than that I feel good about the work that I did in education and confident that I made at least some little bit of difference to some students along the way.  I’m done some good, I’ve let some legacy, I’m enriched a life or two and lightened the burden for a person or two.  There’s no real basis for this fear.  So … and here’s the best part …  this fear can go.  Whew!  Happier already!!!

That’s the process – to this point.  There’s more, but I have to save something for the workshops right?

So, inspired by this little (but wise) book, I’m on my way to Atlanta in a week to actually do the first workshop.  I’ll let you know how it goes.

Meantime, it’s getting late and as I said to start with … I have too much to do.  I’m struggling with some of our choir music so I’d best say “so long” for now and do some practicing.  I’ll tell you about the other “happiness” reading I’ve done lately the next time.  Okay?