I’ve been feeling not so very happy lately.  Not all of the time, but too much of the time. I’m not sleeping well.  I wake up anxious about how much I have to do each day.  I worry about the struggles that my family faces and of course how can I do anything but worry about the state of the world that I live in.  It’s been a while since I felt relaxed and content and this is definitely of concern to me.  So I perked up when I recently read an article in the Huffington Post entitled:  Women are Unhappy?  And you’re surprised?  In the article, Marcus Buckingham tells us that women are accomplishing more and more and becoming increasingly less happy.  That didn’t surprise me at all – especially the accomplishing more and more part – but it did lead me to read a little more about happiness.

James Montier, a global equity strategist (whatever that is) did research into the psychology of happiness and concluded that happiness has three components:

• About 50% of individual happiness comes from a genetic set point. That is, we’re each predisposed to a certain level of happiness. Some of us are just naturally more inclined to be cheery than others.
• About 10% of our happiness is due to our circumstances. Our age, race, gender, personal history, and, yes, wealth, only make up about one-tenth of our happiness.
• The remaining 40% of an individual’s happiness seems to be derived from intentional activity, from “discrete actions or practices that people can choose to do”.

So where do I go from here?

Clearly I have no control over my genetic “happy point”, and I think I have little control over what he calls my circumstances.  Okay – so then , then it makes sense for me to focus on those things that  I can do to make myself happy. According to Montier’s paper, these activities include sex, exercise, sleep, and close relationships.  Okay, I can go along with the notion that I have some influence on how much sex and exercise I get and how I manage close relationships.  I don’t know about the rest of you, but I don’t feel like I have so much control over sleep either; seems that in the last few years I’ve had far more sleepless nights than restful ones.  There was a time (it’s a bit better than this now) when I knew what was on TV pretty much every hour of the night; that way when I’d wake up at 3 a.m. I felt less miserable if at least I knew I could tune it a program I enjoyed.  I thought this would change when I retired and I think that perhaps initially it did.  I’m right back to two or three nights a week of still lying awake at 3 a.m. now.  Not fun.  So that brings me to intentional activity; the area in which it seems I can actually make a difference – through my actions – to my own level of happiness.

So here I am retired with pretty much full control over how I choose to spend my time.  I’ve been very careful over the last year in picking things that are truly meaningful to me.  I’ve also been pretty committed to mindfulness, focusing on a couple of important tenets: live in the present, and learn to cooperate and accept what is.  Lately, though, I’ve been feeling incredibly stressed and pretty much unhappy.  What am I doing wrong?  Back to reading, I stumbled upon this list of 13 things that will lead to more happiness.

1.  Don’t compare yourself to others.  Okay, I’m pretty good at this although the culture we live in sure does focus on that a lot.

2.  Foster close relationships.  I do.

3.  Have sex.  No problem there thanks to my sweetie.

4.  Get regular exercise. Well, I certainly plan to do that and sometimes I even succeed.

5.  Get adequate sleep.  As I already said, I’m trying but this doesn’t seem to be something I have much control over.

6 and 7.  Set and pursue goals and find meaningful work. I know that the things I’m spending my time on are meaningful to me so that’s not an issue.  I do set goals, and I try my best to work towards them.  I think there’s quicksand under goals though because they immediately take me out of the present so instead of being “in the moment” I’m thinking about where I’ll get to.  Hhmmm … more work for me here.

8. Join a group. Well, I’m really not a groupie but I do have my monthly meditation group and I guess the choir is another sort of group.  So I’m okay – at least enough for me – on that front.

9.  Don’t dwell on the past. A little more exercise in mindfulness; tricky not to but it’s something I do really strive for.

10  Embrace routine. Hhmm, that’s an interesting one because one of the things I enjoy so much about being retired is having less routine.  Truth is though that I really do like meeting the same folks in the same classes at the Y so perhaps there is something to this.

11  Practice moderation.  Ah – here’s where I think I’m really screwing up these days.  Waking up feeling anxious about how much I have “on my plate” is not a good start to the day.  Rushing from one thing to the next, looking at my watch repeatedly while enjoying brunch with my son, feeling my heart pounding in my chest as I wend my way through traffic … not good at all.  I’ve never been very good at doing things in moderation and I guess I’ve let that old habit creep back in.  I’m going to spend some time in the next week looking at all the things I’m doing and seeing what I should continue and what I should take a break from.  That is if I can find time to do that!

12 and 13.  Be grateful. I am.  Help others. I do.

I seem to be swinging back and forth these days between feeling happy and feeling utterly overwhelmed.  Is this just part of the process of adjusting to retirement?  Am I just playing out the same need to overachieve I’ve always struggled with?  When am I going to feel “normal” again I wonder?  Boy I could sure use another week or two in Antarctica!